Tuesday, February 19, 2008

10 Reasons why Barry Bonds will join the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in 2008

10 Reasons why Barry Bonds will be a Tampa Bay Ray!

Yes, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays finished 66-96 (.407) during the 2007 MLB season, the worst team in the league (again), and an even 30 games behind the first place Boston Red Sox. But, so what? Do you think that Barry Bonds has never welcomed a challenge before in his life? Come on.

When Sosa and McGuire were launching home runs left and right, did Barry just say to himself "that's life, so be it"??? No he got busy and worked on solving the problem!

Hence, just ONE of the many reasons why Barry Bonds will be a Tampa Bay Devil Ray sooner than you can say "Grapefruit Baseball." Get ready Tampa Bay!

Here's why Barry will be a Ray:

10. Barry Bonds is a coastal guy; loves the water because it is good for his health (also; see #1)

9. Tampa Bay has openings in all positions, especially left field

8. Barry Bonds could play DH and LF and nobody will care one way or another (he'll bat twice, and nobody will care; once a cheater....)

7. Tampa Bay is not really a hockey or football town, it REALLY loves its BASEBALL!!! Honest!

6. ROI, return on investment: Barry Bonds will pay for himself in a week or 2

5. The scientologists in Clearwater can help him get clean and will provide him with a new view of reality

4. Bobby Bonds once mumbled to young Barry about all the classy bars and escorts there

3. Oakland doesn't want him and can't afford him

2. The Los Angeles Dodgers don't want him and can afford him

1. Tampa Bay is on the water and Barry Bonds may need a quick escape route if the heat is on!

Look, Andy Pettitte recently apologized to the New York Yankees, Houston Astros and his fans for the "embarrassment" he caused them by taking that human growth stuff. Listen, Tampa Bay fans! Barry Bonds will never, never put you through any of this nonsense. He'll never apologize for anything! He'll keep his honor and yours as well. He'll be a great Devil Ray and you'll love him for it. Get ready.

2 comments:

Musical Daddy said...

lol!

Love reason #1 - hey, he's only a few miles from Cuba when he's in Florida, and the Castro boys love baseball.

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A selection of Barry Bonds' comments regarding PED use:

  • "Doctors ought to quit worrying about what ballplayers are taking. What players take doesn't matter. It's nobody else's business. The doctors should spend their time looking for cures for cancer. It takes more than muscles to hit homers. If all those guys were using stuff, how come they're not all hitting homers?" -- May 21, 2002, Associated Press
  • "No. I don't have to [use steroids]. I mean, I'm a good enough ballplayer as it is. I don't need to be any better. I can't get any better at this age." -- June 2002, On the Record with Bob Costas
  • "I never asked. When he said it was flaxseed oil, I just said, 'Whatever.' It was in the ballpark.. in front of everybody. I mean, all the reporters, my teammates, I mean they all saw it. I didn't hide it." -- Dec. 4, 2003, during grand jury testimony, according to the San Francisco Chronicle
  • "I don't know Tim Montgomery. I've never met him. When accusations come from someone you don't even know, what can you do?" They'll be talking to my lawyer." -- June 25, 2004 to USA TODAY in response to allegations from a former world-class sprinter that he received steroids from BALCO
  • "All you guys lied! All of y'all and the story have lied. Should you have asterisks behind your name? All of you lied. All of you have said something wrong. All of you have dirt. When your closet's clean, then come clean somebody else's." -- Feb. 22, 2005, first public comments after testimony was leaked
  • "I don't know if steroids are going to help you in baseball. I just don't believe it. I don't believe steroids can help eye-hand coordination [and] technically hit a baseball." -- Feb. 22, 2005, first public comments after testimony was leaked
  • "You wanted me to jump off the bridge; I finally have jumped. You wanted to bring me down, you've finally brought me and my family down. You've finally done it. So now go kick a different person. I'm done. I'll do the best I can and that's about it. [I'm talking about] inner hurt. I'm physically, mentally done. I'm mentally drained. Tired of my kids crying." -- March 23, 2005 on MLB
  • "I went through the system. And that's what it is. And that's what I got. I went through the system. I'm in an appeal process right now. I was never convicted of steroids. Do I have any regrets? What happened happened. It's there. It is what it is. I live with it. I'm a convicted felon for obstruction of justice, and that's who I am. I live with it." -- May 29, 2012
  • "I gave my life and soul to that game. That's what's heartbreaking. That's the hard part of it." -- May 30, 2012 on MLB
  • "Not winning? [the 2002 World Series] It doesn't stick with me anymore. Right now, it's just good to see everyone and have a good time. Win or lost, it's nice just to come home and reminisce with each other." -- July 1, 2012
  • "Oh, without a doubt. There's not a doubt in my mind." -- August 6, 2012