Friday, April 1, 2011

Martha Stewart called to the stand of the Barry Bonds Trial


The U.S. Government Calls Martha Stewart to the stand of the Barry Bonds Trial.

Not really. April Fools.

If asked, many people would say that Martha Stewart was convicted of insider trading. Many people would be wrong.

In 2004, Martha Stewart was convicted of lying to investigators about a stock sale and served five months in Alderson Federal Prison. 

Call Martha Stewart to the stand of the Barry Bonds Trial and ask her if it is all right to lie to investigators.

If it is ok to lie, then give Martha Stewart her five months back.
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A selection of Barry Bonds' comments regarding PED use:

  • "Doctors ought to quit worrying about what ballplayers are taking. What players take doesn't matter. It's nobody else's business. The doctors should spend their time looking for cures for cancer. It takes more than muscles to hit homers. If all those guys were using stuff, how come they're not all hitting homers?" -- May 21, 2002, Associated Press
  • "No. I don't have to [use steroids]. I mean, I'm a good enough ballplayer as it is. I don't need to be any better. I can't get any better at this age." -- June 2002, On the Record with Bob Costas
  • "I never asked. When he said it was flaxseed oil, I just said, 'Whatever.' It was in the ballpark.. in front of everybody. I mean, all the reporters, my teammates, I mean they all saw it. I didn't hide it." -- Dec. 4, 2003, during grand jury testimony, according to the San Francisco Chronicle
  • "I don't know Tim Montgomery. I've never met him. When accusations come from someone you don't even know, what can you do?" They'll be talking to my lawyer." -- June 25, 2004 to USA TODAY in response to allegations from a former world-class sprinter that he received steroids from BALCO
  • "All you guys lied! All of y'all and the story have lied. Should you have asterisks behind your name? All of you lied. All of you have said something wrong. All of you have dirt. When your closet's clean, then come clean somebody else's." -- Feb. 22, 2005, first public comments after testimony was leaked
  • "I don't know if steroids are going to help you in baseball. I just don't believe it. I don't believe steroids can help eye-hand coordination [and] technically hit a baseball." -- Feb. 22, 2005, first public comments after testimony was leaked
  • "You wanted me to jump off the bridge; I finally have jumped. You wanted to bring me down, you've finally brought me and my family down. You've finally done it. So now go kick a different person. I'm done. I'll do the best I can and that's about it. [I'm talking about] inner hurt. I'm physically, mentally done. I'm mentally drained. Tired of my kids crying." -- March 23, 2005 on MLB
  • "I went through the system. And that's what it is. And that's what I got. I went through the system. I'm in an appeal process right now. I was never convicted of steroids. Do I have any regrets? What happened happened. It's there. It is what it is. I live with it. I'm a convicted felon for obstruction of justice, and that's who I am. I live with it." -- May 29, 2012
  • "I gave my life and soul to that game. That's what's heartbreaking. That's the hard part of it." -- May 30, 2012 on MLB
  • "Not winning? [the 2002 World Series] It doesn't stick with me anymore. Right now, it's just good to see everyone and have a good time. Win or lost, it's nice just to come home and reminisce with each other." -- July 1, 2012
  • "Oh, without a doubt. There's not a doubt in my mind." -- August 6, 2012